Garth’s Uncle

A personal favourite of mine was the ‘Final Score’ I watched a few years ago when an Arsenal ‘keeper made a blunder. I think it was Szczęsny, it could have been Fabianski or Lehmann. Garth Crooks was getting madder and madder by the second, his eyes almost reaching Chappers or whomever was on the sofa as he declared that Wenger really didn’t know his goalkeepers. “He could have Shay Given right now” he exclaimed, “why doesn’t he do that Martin [Keown]?”…[silence] “why??!”. Keown tried to ignore this but after Crooks went on for an age, Keown pointed out that he wasn’t available. “he would be for Arsenal” replied Garth. I think it took every fibre of Keown’s being not to point out that Shay Given is, has, and always will be an average top-flight goalkeeper with slightly above average reflexes. Instead Keown’s eyes simply slid out of view (well what else could he do) whilst Crooks sat there, chest heaving, waiting for an answer.

Garth will be a regular feature here. He makes it easy. This week he included Wayne Rooney in his team of the week and informed us that his Uncle had set him straight with regards to Mr Rooney’s credentials. It requires no satirical commentary (the punch Ali never gave Foreman), just read it yourself

Words: DH


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